I watched the snow start to fall in the earliest hours of this most peculiar and strange Christmas Eve day. The truth is I have tried to write this letter all week and no time ever felt like the right one, except for this very moment sitting in the darkness and the pale light.
Poignant, I thought.
To reach deep down into my heart and find words that would often come easy has proven to be a herculean effort. How can a heart that has been shattered into a million pieces find the right words to say to you? My mind drifts and bounces me away from the all too familiar abyss that I spend most of my days wandering in.
I think of Ben and his beautiful family celebrating their first Christmas without his dad and just having another close call with the fragility of that which is life. I know Ben is going to show up on Christmas, and he’s going to see the smile on his daughter's face as they make new memories together. And while those memories won’t replace the ones he has about his father they will become a bridge to newfound love, hope, and life.
If that’s not exactly what Christmas is about then I don’t know what is.
I think about all of you that have come to me in a time of great need over the past year for an ear and an open heart. I know there were ups and downs and I hope they’ll shape these holidays for the better. Know that I haven’t stopped being proud of you and the trials you overcame.
I think about all of the people in my life over the past few months that have shown me grace, patience, love, understanding, friendship, and charity. You help me find the reason to be here each day. Whether you were hanging out with me one night a week secretly hoping I fall asleep on the couch, picking me up from the hospital, forcing me to get out, just checking on me, scheduling a conversation, or any variety of other things, you are unequivocally my collective anchors. Thank you.
Just one thing, please.
This Christmas, do me just one favor, take a moment during your busy days, to slow down, take a deep breath, look around you, smile, and lock that great memory away for a time when you might most need it. We ought never to take these moments for granted.
Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays,